Toxic Shark. July 2017.

Alright, I admit it. I only clicked on this trailer because it's called Toxic Shark which is a title I was never going to be able to resist. Let's face it, any film that has the word, "Shark," in the title is going be great. Any film that has the word, "Toxic," in the title is going to be great.

From what little I can glean of it, it appears to be another of those Syfy masterpieces that have done so much to raise the standards of Western civilisation over the years.

I can proudly announce that I've never heard of a single person who's in this film but the fact that it stars someone called Kabby Borders gives me a strange reassurance that all is as it should be.

Of course, who it really stars is a shark, and any shark can only be judged by how high it can leap out of the water. While this one doesn't have the jumping powers of the one in Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus - with its ability to pluck cruising airliners from the skies - this one still has an impressive leap on it and an admirable ability to inflict terror into the hearts of hapless bystanders.

Do I think this film's going to be any good?

No I don't.

Will I be watching it when it inevitably shows up on the Horror Channel?

You just try and stop me.